Friday, May 17, 2013

How Long?

Friday, January 20, 2012

The kids have been at Kelley's house the past couple nights, and in that time, Eliah has had three seizures.  The first one he had last night, Kelley had to resuscitate him.  And my first response was, "Poor baby".  Then I worried about what Kelley was going through, because I know how it feels to be in that moment.   There was nothing I could do from here, so I tried to go about my evening as usual.  And then I got another email from Kelley, expressing his concern about putting Eliah in his bed and not knowing if he'll have another seizure during the night.  I tried to reassure Kelley that it would be alright.

By the time I got to bed it hit me.  As I laid there in the dark, my mind wandered.  What does Eliah feel during a seizure? Is he scared? What would we do if Eliah passed away from a seizure?  I thought about rushing over to Kelley's house and seeing ambulances as I pull up.  I thought about who would wake Natalie up to tell her.  Would she always remember that moment for the rest of her life? I thought about the surreal moment of when they confirm his death and we stand there not knowing what to do next. 

Was it a premonition of things to come? That thought alone made the tears begin to flow and I could not stop.  It was like I was no longer in control. The knot in my stomach ached, my heart hurt, and I wept for my family.

As I drifted off to restless sleep, I wondered....How long will this worry continue?  How long will Eliah live?  And how long will my strength last?  

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